S2 EP7 - U-Fhern: Mama of Four, Traditional Chinese Confinement, Elan House of Wellness, Supporting Modern Mums Through Traditional PP Care

Many moons ago I was randomly thinking of “what would you rather” scenarios. I thought to myself if there were 1 of the 5 senses I HAD to lose, I’d choose my voice. I’d grown up pretty quiet, shy, non-confrontational and was always compliant to the wishes of my elders. Over the years my throat chakra came up as a blockage whether it was examined by a Human Design reader or an energetics worker. I brought this up with my meditation teacher once and she exclaimed “What are you talking about?! Why would you every say that?! You have so much to share about postpartum and motherhood, can you imagine if you didn’t use your voice?!”. Another time I mentioned it to someone else and they asked me “then how would you express your love?” and my response was through my actions. Asian parents rarely express love explicitly through words. Their care and attention usually would come in the form of cooking your favourite dishes, cutting up and serving you fruit, bringing you water or ensuring you wear warm clothing when heading out. In a similar manner, I thought I could express my love through cuddles, cooking if I really were to lose my voice.

As part of my Motherhood Studies Certification, I had a chance to discuss with my teacher Dr Sophie Brock about how I could use my studies to help mothers and the topic of voice came up again. She posed the question, “How would you feel if your daughters said that about their voice?”. I burst out crying and interestingly, at the same time my daughter had lost her hearing. It wasn’t exactly the same but the sadness and fear I felt of her not being able to hear led me to that this might have been the universe’s way to tell me that I do need to be heard. Long story short, my daughter regained her hearing again and I committed to no longer being quiet and instead share what I believe is my mission and the work I am meant to be doing.

Having said that, I am still often plagued with fear, unworthiness, and imposter syndrome. These might seem like buzzwords to hard work or difficult situations but it is something so many women feel. Often, I feel unqualified to speak about anything because I’m neither a doctor nor a midwife despite having four children and my own Chinese cultural heritage standing behind me. Yet for many of us the authority is exactly what we are trying to disrupt and go against. Sometimes I am hit with a moment of paralysis because I don’t feel like I have the formal qualifications so I immerse myself in all sorts of study from courses and workshops that range from doula training, nutrition and postpartum care, but often what mothers want is the lived experience, the wisdom and heartfelt compassion.For many of us this is innately in our blueprint but it takes work to bring to the forefront in our modern day lives. You can read more on my studies and teachers here.

When the opportunity arose, I felt compelled to put my hand up to speak about Eastern Postpartum traditions and practices. It was one of those moments, once I had sent a DM putting my hand up to take part, I instantly flipped to “oh my goodness, what have I done?”. But I must say my first podcast recording experience with Liv and Jazz of After Birth Podcast was better than I had imagined. Two beautiful women who connected via Instagram joined forces to hold space and share postpartum stories – the good, the bad, the ugly and the real. They were lovely and warm and made me feel so comfortable I could have gone on for hours. I got into the groove of things and wanted to share so much that I started talking too quickly (often people might listen to podcasts at 1.25x speed but you might have to listen to mine at 0.75x haha!).

I wanted to share this because I know many of us suffer blockages and fear around different things but I wanted this to be a sign to you that you can do hard things and often our fears can be amplified in our minds. I’m sure there are things that I would have said differently on the recording but just giving myself the chance to step out of my comfort zone has already opened up new things for me. We need to live in flow and expansiveness rather than under constraint to be able to live a life of abundance so this is your invitation to do the same.

You can listen to my first ever podcast here.

Let me know what you think, but I’d also love to hear about how you choose to live your life with expansiveness. How do you position yourself to receive the goodness the universe has to offer?

With love and gratitude,

U-Fhern