Father Profile • Father in Waiting

At Elan, we recognise father figures in all their forms.
Father's Day can be bring up a plethora of emotions for those who are waiting to be, those who have lost or those who had fathers or partners that were not deserving of the title. 
Trigger warning: 
Next we share some learnings from a father in waiting who suffered loss during the early stages of pregnancy. 

How did you support your partner after a loss?

I took the day off work to accompany my wife to the hospital where she had a procedure to remove the failed pregnancy. I also attended all the follow up appointments with her so she felt supported and not alone in the process, asking questions so that I also understood. After that I tried to remain positive, reminding her that at least we were able to get pregnant and that all we can do is try again.

How were YOU supported after suffering a loss?

My wife’s sisters organised a winery lunch and movie night for us. I also found support from a colleague at work whose wife had a very hard time getting pregnant with their daughter. Talking to people about it really helped as we discovered that many other people had experienced at least one miscarriage in between successful pregnancies. My wife was also a great source of support and our relationship is definitely even stronger after sharing this experience.

What was the hardest thing for you during this time?

The hardest part is that the social norm is to not tell anybody about the pregnancy until the end of the first trimester. This means an early miscarriage leaves you alone in your grief.

Do you have any learnings you'd like to share?

We should talk about miscarriage more. Since ours, we have come across several people who told us that their first pregnancy failed and they went on to have successful pregnancies after that so stay positive because it’s completely normal.
See our Instagram post here.

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