Father Profile • Michael & Neil

 Daddy & Papa to Adriel and Zoya - Shanghai, China

How did you support your partner in the early stages of becoming a parent?

It was really about realizing that we are in it together as a couple, especially since we became parents through egg donation and surrogacy.

How were YOU supported and did you feel adequately supported in the early stages of becoming a parent?

The path to parenthood for many rainbow families is very complex and lengthy, so supporting each other was key: we each brought something to the table, and being two dads eliminated all the traditional gender-based roles. At the end of the day, we are two parents learning everything from scratch and doing our best, and that’s wonderfully ordinary.

What is the best thing about being a parent?

Seeing your child grow, day by day, and becoming their own self. Morning cuddles. Showing them the things you love. Introducing them to your favorite music. Seeing your own parents meet their grandchildren for the first time. Being their everything.

What is the hardest thing about being a parent?

Seeing your child in pain, for them not to be able to articulate it and for you not to be able to take their pain away.

Share your top 3 tips or hacks for being a parent.

  1. If you’re OK, they’re (most probably) OK. It really helps to know that all babies need, aside from food, is a healthy, positive environment to grow. From Day 1, talk to them, tell them you are doing your best, that you don’t understand their cries when they do cry, that you are tired, that you too are really hungry and need a minute to go grab something to eat. Tell them what you struggle with (nobody likes to change a full diaper, even the hot neighbor/Instagram micro-influencer that seems to be the perfect parent). Tell them their smile is the most beautiful thing on the planet. Tell them you could use a romantic escapade with your partner, even though you love them more than anything. Ask a friend to come over with groceries and cooked food, ask another friend to come help with laundry. Your baby doesn’t just need YOU, they need YOU to be OK.

  2. Trust them and trust yourself. Your baby WILL let you know if they’re hungry, cold, wants a hug, needs some space, wants to play, wants to sleep, doesn’t want to eat the organic, locally grown, steamed, unsalted broccoli that you prepared for them... And you, as their parent, know them best. Trust yourself in that capacity, and you will learn to decipher their cues better than anyone (better than your own mother, even!).

  3. Take a chill pill. Your baby WILL crawl, stand up, walk, talk… don’t let others tell you that your child seems to be late to reach whatever milestone. Don’t listen to the friend telling you that HER kid spoke Ancient Greek at age 1. Or your other friend who claims HIS child was sprinting at barely four months old. Your child will get there. Chill. And enjoy every stage of their development.

See our Instagram post here.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published