CONFINEMENT CHRONICLES • Nikita Calaki

Meet Nikita, a Melbourne mama to baby Ilir, who embraced love, culture, and community during her confinement. With her mum flying in from Malaysia to prepare traditional meals and her husband supporting Chinese postpartum traditions, Nikita found strength in family and friends. Her journey highlights the power of rest, nourishment, and asking for help while balancing cultural traditions and modern motherhood. 
 
How were you supported by your loved ones (partner, mum, extended family, friends)?
I feel incredibly blessed to have the support from the people in my life, especially my parents and husband. As a Malaysian Chinese who just gave birth, I cannot emphasize enough how grateful I am for my mom. She flew to Melbourne from Malaysia to help me with cooking traditional confinement food, cleaning, and even caring for my newborn. Her help has been invaluable, especially since I’m a first-time mother and there’s so much I’m still learning about caring for a baby. I honestly don’t know how I would have “survived” those early days without her. Having her presence and support during this critical time was truly a blessing.
I’m also deeply grateful to my husband for his understanding and willingness to embrace our culture’s postpartum traditions, especially the practice of confinement, as he comes from a different background (Australian). Despite his busy work schedule, he made the effort to learn how to care for our newborn and stayed actively involved during the early stages of postpartum. His support has meant the world to me.

My friends who are moms and even some inspiring moms on social media I've connected with have also been an incredible source of help during this period. They’ve shared advice, tips, and suggestions—often without me even asking. It’s so comforting to have a strong network of mothers to lean on. Knowing I’m not alone on this journey of motherhood has made all the difference.

What did you find most valuable about the confinement experience?

REST, REST, REST—and Lots of Sleep!

I am incredibly grateful to my mom for sacrificing her own sleep to help me care for my baby. Her support during this period has been invaluable.

One of the most valuable aspects of my confinement experience was nourishing my body with the right food. In Chinese tradition, after giving birth, a woman’s body is considered more “yin” due to the loss of blood and energy. To restore balance and replenish qi (energy), it’s essential to consume “yang” foods. This nourishment played a big role in helping me recover and regain strength.

Did you receive any paid help?

Yes, I went to a postpartum masseur (TheOrganicNewMum) to help with:

  • Reducing water retention
  • Expelling unwanted blood
  • Detoxing the body
  • Alleviating breast engorgement
She's fantastic!

How did you go about finding a confinement nanny to support you? 

I found confinement nannies on RED (a Chinese social app - 小红书). However, they were extremely expensive, so we didn’t proceed with hiring one.

Can you share some pros and cons of you home confinement and being cared by a family member?

 

Pros:

  • Being in the comfort of your own home
  • Having family members around for support. My mom sacrificed everything to care for me and my newborn.
  • Convenience—everything you need is within reach.
  • Enjoying home-cooked postpartum meals prepared by my mom.

Cons:

  • I often felt guilty seeing my mom take on so much, including cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and caring for the baby. Even though she told me not to, I occasionally helped out with housework, despite the tradition encouraging me to rest.
  • If there are other kids in the house, it’s difficult to get any rest.
  • The baby’s crying frequently disturbed my husband and other family members.
  • My controlling tendencies (like my “OCD”) made it hard for me to relinquish control of the household, even when I knew I should rest.
  • Resentment or tension could arise among family members or my partner due to a lack of sleep, and I could see my mom was physically exhausted from all her efforts.
What food were you fed?

I was incredibly fortunate to have my mom prepare delicious and nourishing Chinese confinement meals, including:

  • Plenty of ginger and red dates
  • Rice wine chicken
  • Black vinegar pork trotter
  • Fresh fish
  • Vegetables
  • Warm herbal soups

These meals were comforting and helped speed up my recovery.

  

  

Extra Supplements During Confinement

In addition to nourishing food, I also included the following supplements to support my recovery.

  • Rosytime (Botanical drink)
  • Soygreen (High-fiber and protein drink)
  • Roasted Rice Tea (To boost breastmilk supply)
  • Red Dates Drink (For replenishing energy and improving blood circulation)
  • Chicken Essence (For overall recovery and vitality)

Dietary Rules I Followed

  • No cold dishes (e.g., fruits, salads) were consumed.
  • No leftover food was eaten, as fresh meals are believed to be better for recovery.

These practices, alongside traditional confinement meals and supplements, played a significant role in my postpartum recovery.

Were there any rules/myths that you observed throughout your confinement? 
  • No showering after giving birth
  • No washing hair for at least one week
  • No exposure to wind or cold
  • No leaving the house for a month unless absolutely necessary
  • No carrying heavy items
  • No touching cold water (Though I still needed to wash my hands and it takes awhile for the water to warm up during Melbourne's Winter!!) 
  • No crying (to conserve energy and promote emotional stability)
  • No exercising
  • Showering, if necessary, with herbal leaves specially catered for postpartum recovery
Were you surprised by anything from your confinement period?

Not really. I grew up understanding the confinement period and had watched my mom go through it after giving birth to my three sisters. I was already familiar with the practices, and I especially enjoyed the confinement food.

How did you feel physically, emotionally and mentally?

Physically, my recovery was slow and still painful due to the challenges I faced during labor. The physical pain, coupled with sleep deprivation, took a toll on me emotionally and mentally. Despite having so much help and support, there were days I felt isolated, as if no one could truly understand me.

Were you well prepared for your postpartum?

Yes, though my plans changed. Initially, I planned to give birth in Malaysia and check into a confinement center, which offers:

  • Postpartum massages
  • Nurses to care for the baby
  • Freshly cooked meals
  • Spa and salon access
  • First aid training
  • Yoga classes
  • One-on-one lactation consulting

However, I decided to stay in Australia to give birth, which meant I had to prepare on my own since there are no confinement centers here. My mom flew in from Malaysia to help, bringing essentials like chicken essence, herbal tonics, and herbal bath leaves.

  

I also:

  • Purchased a 28-day postpartum soup pack from Beijing Tong Ren Tang, a Chinese medicinal store.
  • Engaged a Malaysian lady to help prepare rice wine and black vinegar for confinement cooking.
  • Consumed nutritional immunology products, including:
    • Rosytime: A botanical drink with rose, cactus fruit juice, acerola cherry, and cranberry.
    • Soygreen: A high-fiber and high-protein drink made of 13 types of fruits, vegetables, soy, and psyllium husk.
  
 
What would you differently next time or what advice would you give first time moms?
  • Next time, I’d return to Malaysia and check into a confinement center for their comprehensive services and professional care.
  • For first-time moms: Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Seek advice from experienced moms and take good care of yourself first—you can’t pour from an empty cup.
  • Remember, postpartum care doesn’t end after one or two months. Ongoing nourishment and self-care should become part of your daily routine.
Did you seek any support from people outside your family? (Doula, massage therapist, lactation consultant etc.)?

Yes, I sought help from:

  • The Organic New Mum, a service for postpartum massages that helped with recovery.
Positives and negatives of your confinement period?

Positives:

  • Enjoying traditional confinement food like ginger, rice wine vinegar, black vinegar dishes, vegetables, and red dates drink, all of which nourished my body.
  • Seeing my mom bond with my newborn (her first grandchild) was incredibly heartwarming, especially when she flew in from Malaysia 
  • Having my husband around our newborn and being involved, learning how to care for our son. 

Negatives:

  • Completing confinement at home made it difficult to fully rest. Despite my mom’s help, I felt guilty watching her take on so much work. Living with two of my husband’s nieces under our guardianship, along with caring for a newborn, was exhausting as first-time parents. (I had an idea of how my initial confinement was supposed to be - in a luxury confinement hotel in Malaysia, so it was hard having confinement at home.) 
  • My husband didn't rest at all either! 

    How did you feel coming out of confinement? Did you feel empowered and confident or did it feel like a lot of support was suddenly taken away? 

    Emerging from my month-long confinement period was bittersweet. It also marked the time my mom returned to Kuala Lumpur after staying with us for two months. When she left, I experienced a complete meltdown and a panic attack, realizing just how much I had been relying on her.

    Thankfully, my husband stepped in as my greatest pillar of support. He fully embraced his role as both a father and a husband, giving me the confidence and trust I needed to care for our son and manage our new life as a family. His unwavering involvement has been instrumental in this journey of parenting together.

    It wasn’t easy—there were moments when I cried every other day. But with time, I grew stronger. I learned to care for my son and this journey of self-reliance helped me grow not only as a mother but also as a person. What kept me going, even during the toughest days, was the trust I placed in myself and the pure joy of seeing my son’s smile. That smile reminded me every day why it’s all worth it.

    See Instagram post here.
    IG: @earthynourish
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