CONFINEMENT CHRONICLES • Mayyan Wong
How were you supported by your loved ones (partner, mum, extended family, friends)?
I was lucky to have a 'village' to help me - husband, mum, nanny, in laws. My husband did a lot of heavy lifting and was very hands on with our older kids (4.5 and 3 years old). Also very fortunate to have parents-in-law who live close to us to help with the kids and cooking, and my mum who's always there for me whenever I need to chat with someone.
What did you find most valuable about the confinement experience?
With the help that I received, this made the time that I had with Eloise enjoyable as it never felt like a chore when I held her, rocked her or fed her.
Did you receive any paid help?
Yes I did, I had a traditional chinese confinement nanny who cooked and looked after myself and Eloise.
Can you share some pros and cons of you home confinement and being cared by a family member?
Pros:
1. Comfort of my own home which also means a great sense of familiarity
2. Older kids able to bond with their newborn sister
2. Being cared by a direct family member means I could skip a lot of formalities and requested for help whenever needed
3. Not having to move stuff around (eg clothes)
Cons:
1. Home confinement means my older kids were around and would often cause chaos (noise!) and often scared Eloise
2. If being cared by a family member, I'd feel bad to ask for too much help
What food were you fed (would love if you could take photos, like a food diary).
Unfortunately, I didn't keep a food diary this time. I had typical Malaysian Chinese confinement food such as: chicken essence boiled from fresh chickens (almost daily), multiple different soups daily e.g. fish soup, pork soup, etc., lots of ginger in my stir-fried meat, and dishes cooked with wine. There was little to no salt and sugar in my confinement diet.
During my confinement, I replaced water with red date tea. So my daily consumption on red dates alone would be half to one packet (approx 15 dates).
Were there any rules / myths that you observed throughout your confinement?
During my first and second confinement, I tried not to wash my hair or limit showers. However, I stopped following this rule and just cleaned myself when I felt like it.
I was told that I shouldn't be drinking tap water, cold drinks, no drinking/eating when standing up, not going outdoors until at least after 30 days postpartum etc. I didn't follow any of this.
Were you surprised by anything from your confinement period?
The postpartum mood swings and hormonal shifts were difficult. Also, in my first confinement period, I was very surprised that breastfeeding could be so difficult. My firstborn didn't latch properly which resulted in my having blisters on my nipple, and it also bled. It was the most unexpected and horrifying experience that I encountered. I resolved by switching to exclusively expressing instead of feeding directly. I did the same for Maddie and Eloise due to this experience.
How did you feel physically, emotionally and mentally?
I had c-section for all my births so naturally, my physical recovery took slightly longer than most natural births. I struggled with emotions the most as I am prone to mood swings due to hormonal shifts.
Were you well prepared for your postpartum?
I'd say yes
What would you differently next time / advise another first time mom to be about their postpartum period?
Having support is crucial because we need to rest as much as possible. For first time mums, it can be overwhelming to care for a newborn when you have limited experience. I felt that having a confinement nanny to support me eased me into motherhood. I felt so lucky that all I had to do was to focus on feeding and resting, because my support could do the rest e.g changing, cooking, house chores etc.
Did you seek any support from people outside your family? (Doula, massage therapist, lactation consultant etc.)?
A confinement nanny and babysitters for the elder kids.
List out any positives and negatives from your confinement period?
Positives:
1. I managed to restore rest and focused on recovery
2. People are generally nicer to you (haha)
3. Husband showing lots of appreciation and gratitude
4. Aside from producing a tiny human to love, I wouldn't say confinement/postpartum is particularly 'positive'?
Negatives:
1. The pain
2. Sleep deprivation from feeding
3. Not able to move around freely
4. That awkward pregnancy weight that still stays on for a little while
How did you feel coming out of confinement? Did you feel empowered and confident or did it feel like a lot of support was suddenly taken away?
I felt free after confinement and that I was a step closer to feeling fully normal and myself again. I didn't feel confident as my body type is prone to water retention and I know it takes close to a year for me to fully get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I definitely felt bigger as a person, especially when I could no longer use the "I'm pregnant' excuse in my fourth trimester!
I still have my nanny now, but I do remember when my previous confinement nannies finished up, I did feel lost and a lot of support was gone.
See Instagram post here.